Idiot!!

Man, I've been away a while, and this isn't how I planned my big return to GinBaby, but...fuck!!  I'm enraged!!  I think that needs more exclamation points--!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAGE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See, it's another article on Salon, right?  This bitch is talking about how she wants to be under the "trendy tent" [sic] and offset her carbon footprint by buying those credits--credits that allegedly support alternative sources of energy, saving Amazon forests, and so forth.  She points out, smugly, that she mostly telecommutes (which presumably uses electricity?), and her husband drives a Prius.  Swell. 

Or it might be swell, except she mentions a rechargeable latte frother.  Is that for real?  She's pretending to be concerned about the electricity used by her latte frother?  IT'S A FUCKING LATTE FROTHER, YOU BITCH. 

She notes that there are changes her family is simply not willing to make to reduce carbon emissions in the United States.  Everyone knows that we are the #1 nation for almost everything that is not good, including carbon emissions and usage of fossil fuels.  Excellent--so happy we excel.

BUT IT'S A FUCKING LATTE FROTHER.  You cannot live with unfrothed milk?  I mean...YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH UNFROTHED FUCKING MILK IN YOUR FUCKING COFFEE, YOU BOURGEOIS NINNY? 

She also notes that on rainy days she drives her son to school (she fails to note whether she uses the Prius or the latte frother for transport)--and his school is a very far 4 blocks away from home.  FOUR MOTHERFUCKING BLOCKS????  This can't even be for real.  THEY ARE CALLED "UMBRELLAS", LADY--FIND ONE AND USE IT AND TEACH YOUR SON HOW TO USE IT, TOO. 

I could get all, "Why in my day, I had to walk 5 miles uphill both ways..." and all that, but I won't.  The truth is that it was only half a mile, but the truth is also that my parents did not drive me, no matter the weather.  And I managed--I pulled through.  Times were tough, but we coped.

And then, OK, then, in the end, she decides not to purchase the carbon credits at all (because all the outfits offering them are dubious, she thinks).  Instead, she tells us, all smug and chipper, that she's going to take the $4 or so she would have spent on those credits and contribute it instead to federal electoral reform to beat the petro-lobby on its own turf.  (Have I mentioned the smugness?)

Yeah, fat fucking lot of good that will do, bitch.  You think your piddly little $4 a month (wooooo--that's a whole $48 a year, stop the fucking presses!) is going to defeat the petroleum lobby?  I THINK THE LATTE FROTHER HAS FROTHED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN, MA'AM.

Just let's stop pretending, OK?  If you don't give a fat fuck about climate change and carbon emissions, own up to it.  You're in good company, of course, since the vast majority of people in this country share your view.  It's your right as an American, just like it's your right as an American to eat nothing but Pringles or drive an SUV even though you never, ever leave pavement.  Sure--go ahead, but be honest about it.  Your $4 a month would be much better spent buying bumper stickers that read, "If you care about climate change, call 1-800-EAT-SHIT."

So, what am I doing about climate change, you might ask?  Well, I sure as hell don't have a latte frother. 

I have even taken the drastic step of DRINKING MY COFFEE BLACK.  That's right.  It's radical, I know, and someday my children will be impressed with my moxie, but dammit someone has to do something.

Goddamned fucking spoiled bourgeois fuckers. 

Now I'm about to go upstairs and mix up a gin and tonic the old-fashioned, low carbon way--WITH MY MIDDLE FINGER.