Get it off me, get it off me

Just reading this kind of thing makes me feel enraged and disgusted at the same time.  This is what you think feminism is?  Blaming the patriarchy?  Woo-hoo, we have come a long way, baby.

I originally clicked on the link to this blog from Salon's Broadsheet, thinking the title must be some kind of joke.  Either every single entry is a very straight-faced joke, or she actually does blame the patriarchy? 

I was first reminded of a time when some friends of mine were conversing, and one of them kept saying "they" were the problem.  The other one said, "They?  Who are they?  The county road crews?"  She had a point.  Apparently, the "spinster aunt"--does she think she's a character in Huck Finn or something?--thinks we are all part of the patriarchy, except the people (and presumably only women) who think exactly the way she does.  It turns the old "you're either part of the problem or part of the solution" equation into "you're either part of the problem or you're me."  Awesome.  That's the kind of feminism I can get behind:  A freethinking, diverse, independent feminism (and fun!).  A brave new world.

I know the first time I encounter any kind of trouble in my daily life, I like to automatically assume that I'm being discriminated against because I'm a woman--discriminated against by some nefarious group of cigar-smoking Orson Welles types.  I like to believe they are the patriarchy cabal, mainly because I love the word 'cabal.'  Dick Cheney is necessarily involved.  This way I no longer have to take responsibility for any of the decisions I make, and it gives political cachet to my fecklessness.  When I go back to teaching, I won't be earning less money than the male teachers because I decided to take time off to raise kids--no, it will be the patriarchy.  How comforting.  Yes, I am completely fulfilled and empowered now. 

Oh, sure, the spinster aunt would probably go off--like Linda Hirschman--on how I'm internalizing my oppressor and try to impress me with some obscure book or something.  But guess what?  I've read a few books in my day as well.  And I've taken the advice of the oracle at Delphi and Socrates (oh, shit, Socrates was a man--will the madness never end?), and I know myself pretty well.  For example, while I like to wear pretty clothes sometimes and foof around with my hair, I know that those preferences are culturally established (although there is not a single shred of evidence that women in matriarchal societies care any less about their appearances--although, Christ almighty, who needs evidence when you have ideology?).  That isn't quite the same thing as internalizing the oppressor, though.  The implication with internalizing the oppressor is that one is not conscious of doing so; one apes the oppressor while being unconscious of one's true motives.  It's like when really poor people vote for Republicans, buying the surface-level rhetoric and ignorant of the harm they are doing themselves.

Some specific examples from this pompous blog that really irritated me:  There was a picture of a giant squid, killed by some Japanese researchers with commentary implying that killing is patriarchal.  Are women supposed to all be peace-loving vegetarians?  And the many, many women who hunt and/or kill animals for food on farms and ranches across the world (in some societies, they say [where 'they' equals the Clark County road crew, yes] that women are the primary hunters, and some of those societies are actually matriarchal, nyah nyah nyah) are, um, part of the patriarchy?  That would be news to most of those women, many of whom would gladly kick your hippie ass for suggesting such a thing.  Oh, wait, but their violence only proves their part in the patriarchy.  QED.  A nice, tight closed system from which no woman can escape.  Anyway, one lame commenter even said, "Oh, and the squid was a female."  Yeah, I'm sure that's why the Japanese researchers killed it.  I'll bet they spotted that squid pussy a mile away and set out, Ahab-like, to destroy it.

Another choice bit was in a post about some little "wunzies (sic)" that Target had for sale.  Among the overwrought elitist assessment of Target and the clothing of hoi polloi in general (all the poor people who cannot buy whatever finery you don, fair miss, are deeply sorry for being "vulgarians"--really sorry), she picks out two "wunzies (sic)" to bitch about.  One is for a little girl and says, "Does this diaper make my butt look big?"  OK.  I would never buy such an item for my own child, because it's dumb, but of course she's interested in the sexist implications.  She worries over how this is sexifying babies and toddlers, etc.  There is some reason for concern about sexifying toddlers what with some of the beauty pageants and shit like that, but this "wunzie" is, like...OK, the kid can't read it.  So...So I'm having a really hard time understanding how this is going to indoctrinate the girl to hate the size of her ass and think that she has to conform to male-enforced standards of beauty.  She can't read it.  The "wunzie" is stupid but not likely to be harmful in and of itself. 

I'm sorry, but I love her misspelling of onesie.  She doesn't know what they are, I guess.  Because she doesn't have kids.  Which makes it so much better when she then lectures parents how they should treat their kids.  I actually agree with most of her lecture--kids should be treated with respect and all of that--but, still, I think she should try having kids before she tells others what kinds of clothing are suitable for those kids.  In my house, it doesn't matter much what kind of crap is printed on the onesie, because the onesie is a mere resting place for sauces bolognese and bechamel.  Not to mention, did you ever know how badly bananas stain?  Bananas may be worse than marinara.

Anyway, the other "wunzie" had "Worth the Wait" printed on it.  She, somewhat grossly, takes this as meaning that the girl will be worth the wait, like if you wait around, big fella, I'm going to be prime meat in about 12 years.  Check out my diaper-ass, yo!  She sneers that they wouldn't print such things on boys' clothing.  But, indeed, they have and they do.  Because this doesn't mean what you think it means, gutterhead.  See, there's a thing called a gestational period.  It's the time when ladies are pregnant, and the kid is inside the mommy's tummy.  It's approximately 36-40 weeks for normal, healthy kids.  It's a long time to wait, increasingly long as the baby grows to elephantine proportions there in your gut.  The idea behind the loathed "wunzie" is that the kid was so worth the gestational wait.  Uh.  Pretty pornified, I guess, for those who get off on gestational periods.  I'm pretty sure my friend John does.

Anyway, the whole site is full of this blather.  It's also full of her attitude that other people, especially men but most women too, are frivolous and vulgar and so very prole.  She hated A Christmas Story and instructed her followers not to waste their time on it; they have duly added it to their lists of "movies to never watch."  She, like my ex-husband, has whole lists, at least in her head, of things she is far too cool and too smart to participate in.  Music has to be literate and obscure.  Don't shop at Target.  Nostalgia is out.  And so on.

Yeah, my ex-husband was just like that.  And a huge part of why I left him is because, as Lucinda Williams would say, he took my joy.  Life like that is no fun.  My ex-husband was far too self-serious to want his life to be fun, and he ridiculed and berated me for wanting to, sometimes, just relax and have fun. 

Stumbling across this blog just pushed the exact same button that Linda Hirschman pushed.  I love to be told what to do and how to live my life and how I'm not a good enough or strong enough woman, and I'm always so deeply interested in the fact that women are frequently the ones saying it.  I desperately need an authority figure like the "spinster aunt" to keep me out from under the thumbs of the cabal.  Feminists who are supposed to be arguing that women are equal to men and can be independent and freethinking so quickly fall back into the same old mode of oppressing.  The patriarchy tells us poor women how to live one way, then you just confuse us by telling us to live it a different way. 

I've just about had it with "feminists."  I'm not aspiring to be a man or thinking I am in any way inferior to men.  I'm not a vegetarian or a lesbian, although I'm not opposed to either.  (OK, I am, actually, confounded be vegetarianism, because pork is one of the three essential pillars of life.)  I'm not a victim.  My husband and I share life as equal and happy partners, and the fact that I stood up and promised him forever means a lot to me; on the other hand, I have also divorced once, so I don't think women should stay in bad marriages forever.  I chose to have a kid, and I chose to stay at home with said kid, and I would do both again.  I don't really care about my career or how much money I make, within reason.  I have been a housewife (now working mom, still at home, though), and I was either as boring or not boring as I ever was and still am.  I am not defined by any of these things, although I think 'mother' defines a lot about my life just because it has to (oh, right, unless I farm the raising of my child out to some underpaid daycare worker).  I value independence and critical thinking skills and wit and elegant punctuation in all my friends, regardless of their gender.  I don't want to live in a world where we are defined by someone else's idea of our gender roles; sadly, some feminists seem as inclined to force women into tiny boxes as men.

Well, take your gender role and shove it.